I’ll be honest. Life lately has been really uncomfortable. Not in an “everything’s falling apart” way or anything. I don’t really know how to explain it.
Ever since Fast Sunday, I’ve been . . . I don’t know. Solemn, I suppose. It’s been hard to get out of. I’ll stare at the calendar in the LDSSA Council Room and attempt to fight back the days and sometimes fight back the tears. I’ll look at that tiny little box screaming “May 3rd!” and realize that that’s how long I have until I’m walking across another stage with another tassel and more questions for my Heavenly Father than I’ve ever had in my life. I’ve forced myself several times to not think about the day when my Council, the one I’ve grown to love and adore like a family, will break off with everyone going in different directions.
I hate leaving people.
Usually, I don’t get so attached because I realize I’ll have to leave eventually.
This time is entirely different, and I don’t know what I’m going to do.
But enough about that. I don’t want to talk about that.
Life lately is surprising and quiet. I’m passing my classes, doing pretty well on my essays, and just moving along. I don’t work very often at all, and though I’ve loved my job at the bakery and met some amazing people, I can feel myself aching to find something different. On March 14th, I will find out if I got the internship with the Friend for the fall. If I don’t get it, I don’t know what I’ll do. If I do get it, I don’t know what I’ll do. It’s hard to focus on that with so much going on.
My main concern, as of late, has been with dating, mostly because A) I’m graduating soon and that scares me and B) I . . . never mind. I just have lots of things to think about.
Yesterday I started my rock climbing class. I have a feeling I’m just going to boulder the whole time, because I’m quite ahead of everybody else as far as climbing experience goes. I spent the entire class on my own, getting a feel for the walls again. I slipped and fell and dropped over and over and over because I was attempting harder climbs. It kind of rattled me, to be honest. I left with my hands black and white and red, with callouses forming on my palms, and I left frustrated.
Having to fall so many times is discouraging. It hurts to pick yourself back up and keep climbing. But you have to. You don’t become a strong climber by sitting on the ground and giving up. You become strong by attempting the same route and figuring out where you struggled last time and working yourself up to overcome that.
I guess that’s how dating goes and life goes and job-hunting goes.
It’s uncomfortable, but it’s a work in progress.