My Name’s Ari, and I’m Human

Hi. My name’s Ari, and I’m human.

In high school, my best friend said my teeth made me look like a chipmunk and I’ve been somewhat self-conscious of them ever since. I love harmonizing with the radio in my car, but the idea of singing karaoke terrifies me. I get attached to people easily. I hate November, because I tend to get my heart broken in November. I’m kind of impatient and need to be in control of situations to feel comfortable. I have road mild annoyance and sometimes road rage. If I’m feeling particularly introverted, I can convince myself out of doing anything. Last fall, I had a major anxiety attack, and this fall, I learned that anxiety can come back. If it’s not obvious at this point, I stink at dating. I push people away a lot. One of my worst fears is that I disappoint people, that I’m not what they expect, or that I’m better in writing. I can’t enjoy football, no matter how hard I try. I’ve tripped while going upstairs twice this month. I often feel lonely. I’ve got a rebellious streak in me. If I’m not careful, I’m “that Mormon” who raises her hand in class to correct the teacher’s doctrine/tone. Growing up, I was painfully shy and, as a result, have this complex where I worry I’ll always be overlooked. I’m too sensitive. I really like being right. Grammar mistakes throw me into a tizzy, especially when they’re my own. People can annoy me really easily if I’m not careful. I’m a worry wart. And I’m often more selfish than any person should be.

Hi, my name’s Ari. I’m flawed, but I’m real.

Having broken away from my social media for a bit, I thought it was important to mention that.

Love: Me

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4 comments

  1. Ari, My name is Michael, I have read some of your post and I can cleary tell christ is at work in you. I have something that will help you; Paul tells us that christ is our intermediatore now, nobody else, he also says test the spirits and keep what is good. Christ tells us, he who overcomes shall inherit eternal life. So keep striving to overcome this obstacle keeping you from fully understanding the love and joy that is in christ Jesus our Lord. Check out Lynn k Wilder. Grace be with you. Michael.

  2. Hi Ari! My name is Darwin. (I’m a human too!Pleased to meet you!)

    In high school, everybody wanted to beat me up. Racism thing (I’m half Native American) A few of them ventured to try, and in an effort to be all inclusive, they made it a “group” activity. I objected strenuously. They abruptly began to reconsider their approach. (NOT that they changed their thinking, mind you. Just that their sense of self-preservation prevailed from that moment forward.)

    I do like to sing karaoke. I have actually sang in two operas. (Not at the same time.)

    This after a monumental struggle to overcome my shyness and actually be able to relax enough to perform. This occurred because of an acting class at BYU. NOT tanking one’s GPA is sometimes excellent motivation.

    I too get attached to people easily. Except the mean ones.

    March is my “get my heart broken” month. March is ALSO my birthday month, which adds quite a bit to the overall sucky effect. (A few lovely ladies have “nailed it” right on my birthday. You have to admire their determination to make things memorable!) I never met anyone else who has a “get my heartbroken” month. We should get club jackets.

    You can’t control situations. You waste valuable mental, emotional and physical energy trying to do so. You can only control YOURSELF in situations.

    Examples: Getting my heart broken in March on my birthday. You getting your heart broken in November.

    Or…while working as a lumberjack beginning a couple of months before turning 17 (checking my math) yes, I was 16…I had a tree fall on me. I had notched it properly for directional purposes, then it snapped, slipped off the stump, impacted into the ground, changed direction, bounced off the upper branches of a nearby tree, changed direction. Spun in place, then changed direction. Then it hit me.

    So…basically actively aiming for me. Not panicking, deep snow, a slight rise miraculously placed by Heavenly Father saved me.

    Falling through the ice in a river. Extracting myself (possibly FASTER than when I went in) to find that the lake I have to cross to get to warmth and safety and medical attention (for the pneumonia which had already rendered me too weak to arm wrestle a lame gerbil) is lost in a blinding white-out blizzard.

    (Talk about from bad to worse and down hill from there.)

    Prayer. Plan. Walk. Miracles. Survive.

    Looking for a vulnerable friend in the forest at night to check to see that he hasn’t been eaten by wolves. Five wolves find me. I have a rifle, but it’s a dark forest on a dark night with a friend nearby, who I assume, correctly I feel, does not want to soak up stray bullets.

    Set aside the rifle, fight five wolves by punching and kicking. They leave, I relax…annnd…they’re back. Every fifteen to twenty minutes. All. Night. Long.

    At least my friend didn’t get eaten.

    Controlling a situation is an effort in futility. Controlling yourself, so you act and not just be acted upon….THAT is the goal.

    I am rarely ever impatient and I have neither road annoyance or road rage: *see above comments in regards to controlling a situation.

    (Prayer and martial arts and meditation help with that.)

    If you convince yourself out of things…perhaps you would benefit form a personal cheerleader?

    Anxiety attacks sound similar to wolf attacks: they can come back.

    Oh! I just realized I’m NOT quote finished with examples of NOT being able to control a situation. Short version: Even after admitting I am worthy, a Racist bishop states categorically that he will not send in any mission papers for me.

    Situation? Now I’m THAT GUY who didn’t go a on a mission.

    Can I control that? No. I can only move forward in faith and deal.

    I’m EXCELLENT at dating. People push me away a lot.

    Quoting you: “One of my worst fears is that I disappoint people, that I’m not what they expect, or that I’m better in writing. ” Many people don’t really expect much of me. So I surprise them that way.

    Quoting you: “I can’t enjoy football, no matter how hard I try.” I do not even try to enjoy football.

    Quoting you: “I’ve tripped while going upstairs twice this month.” I rarely slip on ice.

    Quoting you: “I often feel lonely.” Ditto. So I spend a lot of time with Heavenly Father.

    Quoting you: “I’ve got a rebellious streak in me.” I’m scrappy. Basically Aragron stepping up to a hundred Orcs.

    Quoting you: ” If I’m not careful, I’m “that Mormon” who raises her hand in class to correct the teacher’s doctrine/tone. ” I…don’t always try to be careful about it.

    Quoting you: ” Growing up, I was painfully shy and, as a result, have this complex where I worry I’ll always be overlooked.’ I don’t have to worry. I know I will be overlooked. Foregone conclusion.

    Quoting you: “I’m too sensitive.” Life experience has mad me sensitive to the sensitivities of others. Most of my life, I have been terrified of water deeper than my head (if I’m not in a pool) and I have been the worst swimmer. If there are 200 people on the beach, 199 of them could swim better than me. BUT…I have (awkwardly) saved 5 people from drowning who were ignored by everybody else because I was sensitive to their terror.

    Quoting you: “I really like being right. ” *HUGE GRIN* We REALLY need club jackets.

    Quoting you: “Grammar mistakes throw me into a tizzy…” You would be in a constant tizzy around me. I have that effect.

    Quoting you: “People can annoy me really easily if I’m not careful. ” Please refer to above statements regarding controlling a situation.

    Quoting you: “I’m a worry wart.” About other people.

    Quoting you: “And I’m often more selfish than any person should be.”

    Aren’t we all.

    Hi, my name’s Darwini. I’m flawed, but I’m real.

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